Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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