Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
