did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
