he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
