Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
