Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
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