thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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