it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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