I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize