I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
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