i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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