Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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