Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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