He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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