just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
