Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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