im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
