let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
