Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
