my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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