Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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