We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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