I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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