I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Randomize
