He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
