I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
