Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
