Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
