Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
