god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
