can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
