Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
