I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Randomize
