Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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