just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
