"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
