the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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