oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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