all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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