I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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