I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
