wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
