I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
