Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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