i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
