i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
