Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
