You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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