I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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