Sry I called you an 8
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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