I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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