Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
