Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
