Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I feel like abortions should bother me more
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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