my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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