Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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