That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
