I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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