He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Randomize
