Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
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