You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize