wakey wakey hands off snakey
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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