Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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