he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
