my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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