i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize