so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
