I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
