My hair reeks of homosexuality.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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