I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Randomize
