There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
