why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
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