We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
