We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Less talking, more tequila
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
