Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize