There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
