yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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