I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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