I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
