it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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