Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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