is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize
