I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
