we're chasing vodka with high fives
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I have aggressive nipples.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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