On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
