I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
you guys were way drunker than both of me
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
