we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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