He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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